


Odi et Amo (I Love and I Hate)

by Yuu_Kanda



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8599264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuu_Kanda/pseuds/Yuu_Kanda
Summary: Two Black Order's Exorcists realize, despite themselves, how much they were alike behind the pretence they put on every day; how much all this had ended up involving them with each other, pushing them to cross that forbidden border between friendship and love. An unwanted love, bitter, steeped in grudge.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Another very short story cross-posted from FF.net.  
> The title is Latin, I decided to leave it as it was, adding the translation between brackets. Also, this is unbetaed, sorry for any mistake.

* * *

**Odi et Amo (I Hate and I Love)**

* * *

  
  
Walking through the Black Order's corridors, all looked at him with fear and stood aside giving him way. The cold and haughty glare, the hard looks and sharp answers which he profusely offered, his inclination to anger, made sure that anyone would keep away from him, that the world would leave him in peace: his invincible shield.  
  
He was Kanda Yuu, the insensitive bastard without feelings, and everyone avoided to stay in his way.  
  
Everyone, but Lavi.  
  
Lavi read, insolent, behind the impassivity mask that he perpetually wore on his face, penetrated each and every of his defenses, tormented him with infinite attentions.  
  
Until, one day, Kanda surrendered to him, letting Lavi come too close; something, deep inside of him, began to stir, stretching restlessly in his chest.

_I love you, because you awakened me. I hate you, for the same reason._

 

The first time he saw him, Lavi risked being beheaded for having pronounced his name: Yuu.  
It was as if that young man had bewitched him with his rude and off-putting attitude, so strident in comparision with the incredible beauty he possessed.  
  
Although his duty was only to observe and record, without ever being involved by the events, Lavi did his best to weave a friendship with him, with Yuu. He used each and every of his Bookman arts to achieve the goal, and when all those masks failed, Lavi resorted to the only thing he had left: himself.  
  
He didn't expect that allowing Yuu to read over his lies, to distinguish the real Lavi from the fake 'person' he wore every day, would lead to his downfall, handing him back those feelings he should never have had.  
  
A Bookman has no need for a heart. He reports the hidden facts of the world. He just needs to remember.  
And Lavi remembered. All too well: he remembered every painful detail of what he was forbidden to have.

_I love you, because you found my heart. I hate you, for the same reason._

 

For long they tried to oppose to the Mortal Sin that both of them longed to commit with an increasingly urgent need: they knew what awaited them if they were discovered. The Black Order, the organization to which they belonged as Exorcists was dependent directly on the Church of Rome, on the Pope.  
  
Yet the perverse feeling that had crept into them kept digging, and digging, until neither of them was anymore able to distinguish good from evil.  
And when with trembling hands they finally came to consume the passion that devoured both, with every kiss, with every moan, their minds were falling deeper into the haze of senses; it enveloped their every clear thought, drowning them into the pleasure by which they were subjugated.  
  
Now they had a terrible secret to share, to hide and guard behind their masks. Lavi keeping to be the usual idiot and annoying Kanda, the latter persevering in treating him as one, in the most brutal way possible.  
  
As long as the new performance of that play was convincing, their conviction for sodomy was averted.

_I love you, because you see through the mask I wear. I hate you, for the same reason._

**Author's Note:**

> Right now I have absolutely no time to take care of my other stories translations, I'm so sorry about it. And when I have some time, I'm not in the mood to write or translate. I have severe family problems, to which have added some personal problems. Yes, life is a bitch. I keep trying to work this out, but it's very unlikely it will be fixed anytime soon.


End file.
